You're A Twisted World [entries|friends|calendar] subliminal_msg [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[18 May 2008|10:05pm] [ mood | wtf js ] [ music | pissed off at facebook ] um, excuse me ... whose hand are you holding? cause in case you might have been mistaken, let me just inform you that it's not mine. this is a bit of a problem for me. 1 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[05 May 2008|12:40am] [ mood | scared ] what happens if he really does leave i dont want to feel empty without him nothing fills me with happiness and i dont want to be alone in this world without the one person who holds me i dont think i can go to sleep the same ever again i dont want anybody else to hold me i dont want anybody else to kiss me i dont want anybody else in the world besides him and if i dont have him then what is it i do have. baby please stay. or take me with you. baby please. Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[13 Sep 2007|03:39pm] F U C K T H I S S H I T Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[04 Dec 2006|01:21pm] I am a world away from home and I am counting down the days until I see the people I love, the places I know best, and the life that made me who I am. I have grown, I have learnt, and I have come to understand who I am and what I want to be. I love, I admire, I respect, and I know right from wrong. I make mistakes - but who doesn't. I tell people the way it is and I don't let people disrespect me. I am thankful for the people in my life and the life that I am living. I try my best to take advantage of everything I have in front of me and to put all of the opportunities I have in front of me to good use. I live in Switzerland but am moving back to California. I have the best parents in the world and I am so proud to call them mine. I am in love and care about my boyfriend more than anybody else in the world. I have some amazing friends and I thank them everyday for being who they are and smiling with me. I hate some things life has given me but I have come to terms and realized how much I have to look forward to. So fuck the people who have hurt me, taken advantage of me, and don't see my true potential. I care about the people who care for me, and I make sure they know it. I don't deal with peoples shit and I have no intention to change that. Love me or hate me, I couldn't care less. As long as my friends and I are happy, then everything is fine. Say what you want, do what you want, I don't care. I'm better than you for knowing how to respect people. But the second you try to put me down again, I'll make sure that you're the one that goes down and I'm the one standing tall, looking down at you in the end. My family, my friends, my boyfriend. Traveling, languages, experience, knowledge, wit, sarcasm, smiles, laughs. Rebellion, rage, individuality, strength, pride, trust. Genuinity, respect, admiration, love. I know who I am and it feels good. 1 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[02 Dec 2006|08:09pm] i feel like im losing him and i can see that im losing myself im going to get drunk like i did last night to forget about everything in my life 1 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[22 Oct 2006|07:56pm] the vivid torpedo of emotions that i call my life remains to be a constant. i am in no position to worry, to hyperventilate, to underappreciate, nor to talk shit and complain - but i continue to be the hassle in someone elses hands. i am incapable of being dependant upon myself, and i do not know why. the boy whom has given me more reason to smile and more love than ive ever been victim to before is who i revolve my sense of happiness and despression around. i know that he loves me, and god do i know i love him, but i have never been in a position to trust before. he is real, he is honest, and he is full of life - and all i want to do is to embrace it. but as much of my time as i spend laughing and loving with him, i cant help but waste hours and hours of my life thinking that it cant be real. that this cant be happening to me. that i dont deserve this - i dont deserve him. but it is real. i still get weak in the knees when i see him. i still get butterflies in my stomach when he kisses me. i still want to spend all of my time sitting and cuddling and talking and sleeping with him. but i DO NOT UNDERSTAND how i found him, how i met him, how we clicked so perfectly, how he asked me to be with him, how he can tell me he loves me, how he can want to spend his time with a girl like me. i have grown so accustomed to putting up a guard and giving up on everyone and everything when something goes wrong - because something going wrong has always implied that the ripple effect was indeed in place - and that i had no option but to say goodbye and throw it all away. but i trust that this is different. i pray that this is different. "i love you cuteness adorable love of my lifeeeeee i wont leave you ever i love you so much i dont want to lose youuu" why cant anything ever suffice. i feel so greedy, so needy, so helpless. i want it all sometimes, and even though i know nothing is ever perfect and that nobody can ever have the world, i want it. i want to have it with him. i want the away messages, the IMs, the text messages, the emails, the phone calls, the kisses, the cuddles. but not only do i want them, i want them all the time. every day, all day. this is in no way intentional. but i have never had this before - and i understand to the fullest the importance and necessity of reciprocity. but i make sure to do anything and everything in my power to make sure he has everything he needs and has a smile on his face. i will openly admit to the fact that i have had many a greedy moment in my lifetime. i have cheated, lied, stolen, and hidden. but with him, and with the help of him, i believe now that i am selfless, so willing to give, and the first person to help. i do not care about me, all i care about is him. i want HIM to smile, i want HIM to be happy, i want HIM to be comfortable, and i want HIM to have all the love in the world. i dont need any of it. i want to give it all to him. the nicole that used to walk the streets of westwood, sneak out of houses, lie, cheat my way through as much as possible... has grown up. she is no longer the same nicole. i am no longer the same nicole. "you are the friendliest person on this planet" boy, do i hope people can see that now. i hope my past is behind me and that some people see even a sliver of what he tells me he sees in me. i really do hope so. 12 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[01 Jun 2006|11:06pm] :D its just between us <3 2 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[23 May 2006|09:40pm] GRACE!!! i love you. -Nicole 1 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[21 May 2006|06:19pm] [ mood | satisfied ] [ music | Aimee's mix ] i was cynical and skeptical, but prom proved me wrong. and i love being proved wrong. i loved being with my best friend (my date) all night and i loved spending quality time with archer girls. because i never really do. and they're all amazing girls. my senior prom is over. my senior year will be over in 4 days. but my last weekend whilst in highschool was pretty damn good. it defined the epitome of my life throughout highschool. coffee. parent-less house. drinks. afterparty. tears. sleeping in cars. early morning starbucks. coffee. beverly hills and hollywood. PROM. drinks. limos. hotel rooms. cabs. i'm preparing myself for college. i'm about to graduate from highschool. i'm ready to move away and leave los angeles behind me. but last night, i realized how much i love this city and the people in it. the memories from highschool will never be replaced or thrown away. shit. i guess time flies when you're having fun. 2 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[14 May 2006|10:09pm] friday i attempted to let the truth out. alcohol was my excuse. i believe hes still clueless. saturday was a night of experimentation. sobriety was my fear. i have no idea of the result. whats happening to me. the love i have hurts me. it makes me cry. im sick of crying. just let me smile. let me have security and stability in my life. let me have something. let me have someone. let me be desirable to someone i love. 4 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[02 Apr 2006|06:41pm] [ mood | contemplative ] 124 DAYS UNTIL I LEAVE MY LIFE BEHIND... AND BEGIN TO CREATE A NEW ONE. 2 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

MOST AMAZING WORDS EVER SPOKEN. love, nicole. [09 Feb 2006|08:13pm] Dear Alcohol, First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the pub, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates warming us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you may have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences. 1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2AM. Why would you make me a call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact that they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night? 2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab with chili sauce, along with stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few Doritos & chili dip)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time. 3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock. 4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 4PM hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities. Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership. Thank you, Your Biggest Fan P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. British Constitution 3. Passive - aggressive disorder THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. 2. Nope, no more beer for me. 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Good evening officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight? 5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing. 3 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

IM MOVING AWAY! [20 Jan 2006|04:08pm] I GOT ACCEPTED TO FRANKLIN COLLEGE OF SWITZERLAND!!!!!!!! 8 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

this is me in a nutshell [08 Jan 2006|10:36pm] Appearance [] I am shorter than 5'6. [] I have small feet. [x] I have long hair. [] I am a 1 in jeans. [x] My boobs are bigger then A's. [x] I am Asian. [] I have many scars. [x] My hair is not its natural color. [] I wear glasses/contacts. [] I have multiple ear piercings. [] My ears are gauged. [] I have body piercing[s]. Family/Home Life [x] I've run away from home. [x] My parents are divorced. [] I have older siblings. [x] I have half siblings. [] My parents are never home. [] I live with my mother. [x] I have my own room. [x] The computers in my room. [x] My family owns a buisness. [x] I've had a bad relationship with my mom. School [x] I attend school. [x] I hate homework. [x] I slack off a lot. [x] I smoke. [x] I cut class. [x] I cut class to go smoke. [] I've never been to a formal dance. [] I've never failed a class. [x] I've stolen from the school. [x] I've vandalized school property. [x] I hate whoopi. Social Life [x] I have plenty of friends. [] I don't have enough/a best friend[s]. [] My friends are mostly male. [] I hate the majority of girls. [] I have a bad reputation. [] I get a lot of shit talking. [x] I have & use a myspace. [x] I have & use a LJ. [] I have a sn with +200 buddies. [x] My life's 10x harder without my cellphone. Love Life [x] I'm single. [] I'm married. [] I'm devoted to my husband. [x] I'm not a virgin. [x] My sex drive is outrageous. [x] I've had my heart hurt enough times. [x] I hate crying over boys. [] I get hit on a lot. [x] I don't do random hook ups. [x] I don't like pushy boys. Health [x] I was born early. [x] I've never had surgery. [x] I've never broken a bone. [x] I've gotten my period already. [] I've been to a clinic. [] I'm on a type of medication. [x] I don't look at needles when I get shots. [] I've gotten drug tested. [] I've had an ingrown toenail. [x] Most of my injuries are burns &/or cuts&scrapes. [x] I hate acne. Travel & Expieriences [x] I've been out of state. [x] I've been out the country. [x] I've been on a plane. [x] I've been in a car for 3+ hours. [x] I've been lost somewhere I didn't know. [x] I've gone hiking. [] I've gambled at a casino. [x] I've seen constalations. [] I've ridden an elephant. [] I've never been on a train. [x] I've been on a boat. [] I've been to asia. [x] I've been in a cave. Crime & honesty [x] I jaywalk. [x] I am a drug user. [x] I have been in a drug deal. [x] I have been pierced without adult consent. [x] I have been sold things I shouldn't have. [x] I have encountered cops. [] I have been in a drug raid. [x] I have been at a party where its been broken up. [] I have shit under my file [] I have lied to a probation officer. [x] I lie to my parents too much. [] I've snuck out of my house. [x] I've shoplifted. [] I've been in a fist fight. [x] I flick people off when im walking &/or in an automobile. [x] I've drank alcohol. [x] I've been drunk. [x] I've smoked pot, am a stoner & damn proud! [] I've inhaled cocaine &/or methamphetamine. [] I've huffed co2 tanks. [] I've eaten psychadelic mushrooms. [] I've taken triple c. [] I've smoked coco puffs &/or a p dawg. [] I've smoked a premo. [] I've smoked pookie. [x] I've smoked cigarettes, tobacco. [x] I enjoy hukka. Food [x] I like sushi. [x] I like pasta. [x] I like rice. [x] I like noodles. [x] I like cheesecake. [x] I like ice cream. [x] I like starbucks. [x] I like robeks. [x] I like fries & chicken nuggets. [x] I like steak. [x] I like buffets. [x] I like asian food. [x] I like clam chowder. [x] I like sandwiches. [x] I like mexican food. [x] I love food, period. [x] I'm a fatass. Technology [x] I own 15+ cds. [] I had an ipod. [x] I love technology. [x] I like watching television. [x] Internet is my friend. [x] My cellphone is my best friend. [x] I have a printer. [x] I have a scanner. [x] I have a digital camera. [x] I have a computer. Other [x] I like to dance. [x] I like to bake &/or cook. [x] I hate bugs. [x] I'm usually broke. [x] I like reading books that interest me. [x] I like shopping. [x] I bite my nails. [x] I brush my teeth for awhile. [x] I have some form of OCD. [x] I make wishes at 11:11 &/or when we drive through a tunnel. [] I have an alarmclock set at 4:20. [] I know how to make paper stars &/or hearts. [] I camerawhore. [] I wear bottle cap bracelets. [] I've cut my own hair. [] Online, I make faces like -.-, o.o,O.o,>:|,>. 7 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[01 Nov 2005|12:57am] he spins me in circles Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[19 Oct 2005|08:00pm] sometimes i wish for someone to hurt me so i won't have to feel the pain anymore. 6 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

a night in france [06 Aug 2005|04:08pm] [ music | my brother snoring ] tonight there was a festival. a silly string festival. we SOAKED absolute strangers in bottles and bottles of silly string and it was amazing. in doing this, we met 4 boys from london. all were great fun. hillarious people. the time was much enjoyed. then, we went to the "bal" which had people there from 1 years old to 40 years old. god knows nobody in LA would go to something like that but we did. the music, the alcohol, the strangers (thereafter renamed as "friends"), and the crazy dancing. so much fun. a night well spent. one of the best since i've been here. i don't want to be home. i need to stay in france. ...our amo. <3 2 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

my salvation lies in your love [26 May 2005|08:37pm] my salvation lies in your love. you break me apart and then pull me back together. i cant tell if im broken or not. you tell me. Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

[23 May 2005|11:21pm] i could sit with you for hours 1 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

a friday night with the girls [13 Apr 2005|10:16pm] 14 | Hip, Hip Hop, Hiphopononomous

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